8 picnic baskets all loaded up with the yummiest of goodies and we knew we were all in for a treat! From savouries to sandwiches, mini desserts to chocolate cakes, fresh juicy strawberries to tangy red cherries- we were having a party not a picnic!
We were sitting in a circle and Riza started.
“I hope that all of you are enjoying what I’ve started, even if you aren’t yet I hope you will soon. If any of this and I don’t mean today, I mean in general, if any of it hurts you or puts you in an uncomfortable situation, please forgive me. This is not my intention at all. All I want is to show you guys and girls that there’s so much more to life”
“We hear you Reez no need to apologise”, Maariah said” I mean I got the best gift ever-i got my nana back”
And everyone nodded in agreement. We all loved Riza too much and we were mature enough to understand that there was goodness and only goodness behind what he was doing.
“So” ,he continued “first pair up “Maariah and Nemo, go for it”
Nemo: oo Maripops this is going to be fun! Truth or Dare? Either which way its going to be the same question for you just rephrased ( and Nemo smiled wickedly)
Mari: I don’t even want to know what’s going on in that evil mind of yours…truth please Nemo (and she covered her face with her hands)
Nemo: 2 years ago, you were very busy chatting to this guy, calls,messages etc. This went on for about a month if I’m not mistaken? You were totally smitten, so I’m curious because you never told ME what happened? Spill, now!
Laeeka,Zainab and Aara started laughing
Nemo: you see! They know and I don’t!
Mari: I know you’re talking about that Kamran fellow.( ℓ☺ℓ ) actually Nemo, he was starting to annoy me over the phone even before we met but you know me, I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. So even when he said things like ” I’m vying to the grounds to slaan with my wheels and you know all the cherries they think I’m so kwaai with my gold chains and YEARINGS, yes he said yearings not earings, I know I only got my heart set on you” and ” I look like salman khan everyone thinks I’m so handsome” he actually looked nothing like salman khan not even from a blind mans view!
By now everyone was in splits of laughter
Mari: and the day we met he was actually smelling! Not like a didn’t bath smell but he had a weird smell on him and he had grease on his clothes and hands because apparently the car broke down. And he was trying to get cozy,wanting to hold my hand and like sit right next to me
Nemo: so how’d you get out of there?
Mari: well I didn’t go alone, I had my cousin Aarif with me and Kamran had brought his friend along so while Aarif waited in the car for me, Kamran’s friend could see that I was clearly very uncomfortable and he refused to leave us alone even though Kamran insisted. Eventually I made my “bail out miss-call” to Laeeka here and she called to say there was an emergency and I had to leave. It didn’t end there though, a few days later Kamran accused me of “eyeing” his friend out when I refused to go out with him citing incompatibility.
Nemo: well were you eyeing his friend out?
Mari: his friend was Yacoob…
Zoheb: who’s Yacoob?
Mari: my ex..the only guy I ever dated. We broke up a few months ago
Nemo: sorry Mari I didn’t know these stories were related or I would never have asked
Mari: (laugh) its cool, now you know,else it would have been stuck in your head till you’re old and grey..now hotshot..my turn..truth or dare?
Riza: whaaat I figured you’re more of a dare guy. King protea remember!
Nemo held his heart and smiled “things change”
Mari: your stories are somewhat notorious, we know you had and probably have many girlfriends. Don’t you ever get tired? Have you ever been in love?
Nemo: (eyes lowered) notorious…hmmm to an extent…I don’t have any girlfriends at the moment and I don’t want one either..I am tired Maripops because..because..I am in love (slowly looking at Aara) it has to be! There’s no other way to explain the way I feel. I love her more than anything in this world
Aara: (throwing a marshmallow at Nemo) bestie my foot! How can you not tell me?
Nemo: (eating the marshmallow) all in good time sweetheart (wink)
Mari: I never expected you to be so open about being in love dude..well done! And whoever she is, she is one lucky girl!
Riza: now, who would like to dare these two randomly??
Aara: me me me ( jumping up and then sitting down)
Riza: (laughing) go for it A!
Aara: nemo you little shit this one is for you! Now people when Nemo and I were around 16, we used to play this phone prank on random people. Nemo knows which one I’m talking about. He’s going to do the same prank..but this time on a known person! Aunty Rukayas brother in law Yusuf!
Nemo: no frikking way! Aara I’ve come a long way since then
Aara: either that or you tell us who this mystery girl is…or are you maybe too chicken?
That did it for Nemo, and he whipped out his phone and started dialing Uncle Yusuf on his cell.
Aara: put it on speaker will you ( big grin)
Nemo: I’m gonna get you sweetheart, now all of you be quiet okay
After a few rings, Uncle Yusuf picked up
Uncle Yusuf: Hello?
Nemo: (changing his voice completely to sound nothing like him and everything like Trevor Noah) Hello Mam, how are you today?
Uncle Yusuf: jou ma se kind! I’m not a mam! I’m a man!
Nemo: oOo soori soori sir my apologies. You see I’m actually calling you from Simba, you know the cheeps(chips) peopol(people)?and we running a very nice competisheen (competiton)
Uncle Yusuf: oh simba chips! Haha we eat simba chips all the time here in this house we love simba chips so much we even named our cat Simba!
Zainab and Maariah had blocked their mouths to hold back their laughter but their faces were as red as tomatoes!
Nemo: ooo you are such a good man,good man, which is your favoreet (favourite) flava? (Flavour)
Uncle Yusuf: salt and vinegar! Its too lekker my bru
Nemo: what is your mother in laws favoreet flava?
Uncle Yusuf: wait huh (and then hollering out to dadi) maa, maa!
Dadi: what you want?
Uncle Yusuf: ouch ma why you hit me with your walking stick?
Dadi: talk man I haven’t got whole day
Yusuf: what is your favourite flavour of Simba chips?
Dadi: for what? Why you always ask when all you bring is all those cheap chips that 50 in a packet ones! Why you want to buy Simba you got bonus early or what Saala waste my time voetsek
Uncle Yusuf: hello…err sorry my mother in law is a bit mentally retarded please ignore what she just said
Nemo: no problem sir, now would you like to win R10,000 and a whole years supply of salt and vinegar chips?
Uncle Yusuf: ofcourse yes! What do I need to do to enter?
Nemo: very simple sir, please call all your family near the phone
Uncle Yusuf: okay not everyone is here I’ll call my wife and my sister in law
Very soon we could hear Aunty Rukaya and her sisters voice in the background
Uncle Yusuf: I’m going to win R10,000! (He told the ladies)
Nemo: all you have to do sir is roar like a liyon (lion) as loud as you can
Uncle Yusuf paused.
Uncle Yusuf: no man bru how can I do that
Nemo: okay bye then we will phone your neighbour the same one you don’t like
Uncle Yusuf: okay okay no wait wait I’ll do it, for 10 grand I’ll roar like a lion bro!
Uncle Yusuf: Rrrrrrooooooaaaaarrrrrr
Arshad fell backwards laughing!
Nemo: come on sir, you can do better than that! For a roar like that I can give you only R100!
Uncle Yusuf: rrrrrrrroooooooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrr
Aunty Rukaya in the background : yusuf are you mad?
Nemo: come on sir better than that!
Uncle Yusuf (with all his might) rrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrRr
Nemo: well done Sir!
By now we were all finished, just totally totally ripped!
Nemo: now stamp your feet sir
And Yusuf who seemed to be all for it and in the spirit of it, stamped his feet
Nemo: and clap your hands!
And he clapped his hands
Nemo: and say I love simbaaaaaa!
Uncle Yusuf: I love simbaaaaaa
Nemo: I wanna be a simba chipppeeeee
Uncle Yusuf: I wanna be a simba chippppppeeeeeeeeEeeeEeee
Nemo: now raise your hand ( in a tune )
Uncle Yusuf: I’m raising my hand ( singing it right back)
Nemo: and slap yourself really hard sir go for it!
And we heard a loud clap and then..
Uncle Yusuf: huh?
And Nemo cut the call and burst out laughing so much so that tears were coming out of his eyes.
And Aara woke up and hugged Nemo and planted a kiss on his cheek “you old but not cold Nemo”
“Old?..hey you !” But Aara was already gone back to her place, her face red and infact all our stomachs were sore from the laughing!
“That was classic, no better way to put it” Arshad said as he wiped his glasses,”I wonder what must be going on at Aunty Rukaya’s house”
“Only one way to find out”,Zoheb smiled, “Maariah your dare- call Aunty Rukaya and make some chit chat let’s see if she tells you anything” and Zoheb passed his phone to Maariah. Zoheb seemed to be enjoying this.
And Maariah dials Aunty Rukaya.
Aunty R: hello
Mari: hello Aunty Rukaya how are you?
Aunty R: Maariah! So nice to hear your voice after so long!
Mari: jee I was just thinking about you so I thought I would phone you and say hello
Aunty R: so sweet of you my baby but you always sweet like this. Why you never come for supper on thursday with Aara and that cute fellow?
Mari: who Zoheb? Hai Aunty Rukaya he’s not cute!
Zohebs turn to go red in the face…
Aunty R: no man that fellow is so handsome what a cute face and you can see he got that six pack under his shirt. Well built fellow that boy
Mari: if u say so Aunty Rukaya. So how’s everyone else? Dadi, the kids , uncle yusuf?
Aunty R: all okay but what do I tell you about this Yusuf ( Aaaaaand here it comes) really Maariah I think this man is going mad
Mari: (holding back her laugh) why do you say that, is he sick?
Aunty R: sick in his head that’s for sure! Just now he’s telling us Simba chips people phoned and he must roar like a lion to win R10,000! And this bajiya..he started making sounds on the phone, so loud that dadi had to take her hearing aid out! And he didn’t sound like a lion at all, he sounded like a dog with a bone stuck in his throat!
Mari: (letting all her laughter out) o my word that is so funny! And did he win?
Aunty R: who’ll give him anything? They put the phone down on him must be got frightened of his voice I tell you
Mari: aah shame man, tell him to try harder next time
Aunty R: they won’t phone back for him but I tell you if it was me I would have won the R10,000 hands down
Mari: definately ! Aunty Rukaya I’m so sorry, I think my airtime is almost finished. I’ll come visit you soon
Aunty R: okay my baby thanks so much for thinking about me I’ll wait for you and you must come soon ok
Mari: okay I will salaams
Aara: I can’t take it anymore my tummy is so sore!
Zoheb: Reez this aunty is too much man, she hugged me so tight I thought my ribs were going to break!
Riza: she is a very colourful character but no doubt she has a heart of gold
zoheb: the supper reminded me of the Klumps hey Aara?
Aara: (laughing) yes you’re right! And we fit right in didn’t we Zoheb?
Zoheb: you yeah maybe (laughing) that’s your crowd not me…which reminds me, your payback is today (with a very big grin on his face)…