Part 80 – A Walk to Remember…

So many memories…so many thoughts…all flashing through my mind….in a second everything had changed!

This beautiful woman holding my hand and walking on the beach with me was once in love with me…and might still be.

My heart was racing….for the first time ever…I was at a loss for words!

Aara had her head on my shoulder,her arm in my arm and walked with me at a snails pace.
The silence between us spoke volumes…even though she was not all “there” ℓ☺ℓ but still…I guess its true…sometimes you can have the best conversation with someone without even saying a word…

We just walked and walked…and I wished it would never end…

If I looked back on my entire life…the one thing that shone the brightest out of everything…was my Aara. No matter what I did, she stood right next to me….now matter how much I had hurt her…she never moved.

And I had hurt her…I closed my eyes and thought of the times when we had fought…the times that almost cost us our friendship….

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore…

Aara: I’m tired Nemo…(Sitting down)

**”I’m tired Nemo I’m tired”…and it sent me spiralling back in time….Aara sobbing…sitting on my lounge floor….”I’m tired Nemo, I’m tired…I can’t do this anymore”**

And once again I was snapped out of my thoughts by Aara as she pulled me down to sit beside her…and I did…and she smiled….

*flashback*

Aara: Nemo we don’t have much time…take my hand…( As tears fell from her eyes)

Me: no…go away…leave me alone

Aara: Nemo please…just take my hand

Me: you left me here….(I was crying too)….I deserve to be here..

Aara: no Nemo no…I’m sorry…come with me please…

Me: (pushing her away as she came closer)
Please Aara…go away…(Choking on my tears) go away…leave me here…this is my place…I should be here

Aara: (coming closer) your place is with me…

And she hugged me and we both cried…we cried out everything that was left in us…

I impulsively held her hand a little tighter and a tear fell involuntarily from my eye…

What was she made of? That she had forgiven me over and over again…a forgiveness I probably didn’t deserve at the time…

It’s so easy to say that someone has forgiven you…but that forgiveness should rather be earned. I owed her my life….and she never, not one day asked for anything in return for all the favours she had done for me. The one person who never gave up on me…

I stared at her while she looked up at the stars…an overwhelming feeling swept over me…I didn’t fall in love with her now…I’ve been in love with her for years…I hadn’t realised it until two years ago when I thought I had lost her for good. It wasn’t just about having Aara in my life because I was used to her…but because she was my every breath….

I drifted back to us a few years ago….

Aara: did you read your namaaz?

Me: I’m going now…

Aara: Nemo….come on…make it your priority…your life will change

And I remember that day very clearly as I sat on my musallah…and the same dua is bursting out of my heart right now…

“O my Creator…I have sinned…I have sinned so much…please forgive me….I can’t understand why you love me so much…but I know you do…because you have given me my Aara…a ray of hope in my life…an angel who makes even my worst days feel like my best….please grant her every happiness…please forgive me for hurting her…please let her remain in my life always….if she is for me, please let her be mine always…please grant me the strength to become a better person and the strength to become worthy of her love…ameen”

Tears streamed down my cheeks…life has changed so much in two years….but the one thing that hasn’t changed is the fact that she’s still here…

I could ask her anything I wanted to now and she would probably tell me…but that would be wrong….

I will wait for the day when she tells me on her own…in her full senses…

I will earn Aara’s love back….honestly and sincerely

I put my arm around her and gazed up at the stars with her with a new found hope and a new found dream..