Remember when we were younger and we used to play this game…baby steps, giant steps, umbrellas and banana slides?Isn’t it a wonder that our walk of life also follows the same pattern?
Sometimes we have to take giant steps forward after one too many slides and sometimes we have to turn around and take baby steps backwards…
Very few can say that their lives have been completely “orderly” and have never had to face a sliding season ever…my life too took such turns…
After a series of slides…He was okay…he was happy and healthy and he was right next to me. I had shut the door on the face of the hopes I had nurtured for years in my heart…and threw away the key.
If it didn’t happen…it just didn’t happen and I had more to be grateful for after standing a great chance of losing something so precious.
I moved on. I let go.
There were many unanswered questions but for now maybe, just maybe..I didn’t need to know those answers for I wasn’t sure that I could handle the pain that would come with it if those answers were no. And I didn’t think that it would be a good idea to open old wounds that were long healed.
After a roller coaster slide that didn’t seem to want to end…and a long road to acceptance.. I felt as though I had finally found my footing. I was absorbed into my work, spending time with my friends and just taking each day as it came
But still, there was something missing…a void in the depths of my heart where the silent cry of emptiness echoed throughout my soul.
Like a lone red rose on an icy mountain that never withers , like a drop of water under a scorching desert sun that never dries, waiting for something,waiting for a reason,.. a reason for waiting…a reason we could perhaps credit to life, love or destiny.
And after two years of baby steps I found myself twirling around and taking giant steps forward…but this time I wasn’t taking those steps alone…someone was holding my hand and taking those steps with me…taking those giant leaps with me…into something I didn’t know and hadn’t felt before. For the first time ever, I experienced the feeling of truly being free…for the first time ever I felt the urge to leave the past in the past and perhaps where it belonged. And even though I knew that for now I could never really leave it behind but I knew in my heart that the grip of this hand holding mine was so strong, it could carry both me and my past together..
How does one trust someone you don’t have a history with so much that you are willing to let them be your safety net? A safety net of trust and maybe even love… What is the guarantee that when you do fall,that, that safety net is not going to get pulled away?
But that’s just the thing- you don’t know…but all your heart wants to do is fall, fall and fall further…and hope upon hope that your safety net will be there…and I knew that I had just started falling…
And I knew that he was falling with me too….an unfamiliar feeling swept through me as I turned to look at him…as he carefully chose the flowers for Arshad’s big surprise..
Zoheb: and we are good to go madame!
I was sitting on the table at this quaint little florist in the heart of Cape Town, watching Zoheb do what was supposed to be my job until I saw how good his selection of flowers were..ℓ☺ℓ..and I couldn’t help but smile.
Zoheb: I hope that smile is for me (smiling his killer dimpled smile)
Me: you wish!
Zoheb: okay okay…you don’t have to admit it ( and he signed the order note and wrote down the address)
I jumped off the table and stood next to him.
Me: are we going home now? ( All of us referred to our holiday home as home-for now)
Zoheb: (with a side smile and a slightly raised eyebrow) we don’t have to if you don’t want to…
O God! I felt everything inside me do a “happy dance” but why????
Me: do you want to?
Zoheb: (almost laughing) do you want to?
By now I was biting my lip trying to suppress a smile and a laugh and I didn’t know how to reply!
Zoheb: ( also trying to hold back his dimpled smile) ermmmmm
And both of us just started laughing…okay it was a laugh but like an embarassed-caught-off-guard kind of laugh that made me go red in the face.
Zoheb: Would you do me the honour of going out to lunch with me please?
Me: are you asking me out on a date Mr. Patel?
Zoheb: if I said yes…what would you say?
Me: (omg! ) Hmmm I’d say…maybe
Zoheb: then its a maybe I’m willing to bet my life on (and he smiled that smile again…oh gosh)
And he extended his hand towards me…giant steps or baby steps…giant steps or baby steps…questions questions…I closed my eyes…and made a decision I hoped that I would never regret…as I put my hand in his and took a baby step forward into what would be…the journey of a lifetime….