Part 133- The sound of my heart breaking…

As narrated by Aara:

This was it. I was going to be telling Nemo in a few minutes about Zoheb and me. We walked silently from the ballroom to the front yard…it was a long walk but just as well. Taking each step with Nemo…looking at him occasionally..I knew that things would never be the same again. Maybe that’s why I held off for so long- even before Zoheb came into my life. I needed to be sure…I needed to be sure that he would be okay. I still had unfinished business in Durban and had Ziyaad not opened his big mouth, I would have only told Nemo in Durban.

The irony of life…I’m going to tell the man I once loved that I love someone else. A day that I had never ever even dreamt of until I met Zoheb…I wrote myself off, I decided that I would never love again but here I was…

I looked at Nemo again…and carried on walking. It felt as though I was walking past all our memories. Through this walk forward, I could see all our memories in reverse. Does that even make sense?

But Nemo was next to me…the way he always will be. It was my fault that I let myself love him when I did…it was my fault not his.

The thing about your first love is that..you never forget it. With time, it fades and you may be lucky enough to find someone else who you will love much more and much more intensely because with age we understand better,the whims of our hearts. But the feeling of love itself…albeit a small fraction of real love- began with the first person who stole your heart. Even though, you may not be in love with that person anymore, but no matter how many years go by, not even time will change the fact that- he or she was your first love.

I was at no crossroads…my love for Nemo was in my past..safely tucked away inside my memories. I consciously made that decision when I chose his life over my love. And with Zoheb, things were different. This was a love that I never felt before- not even with Nemo…

Nemo: alright..we’re here

I immediately hugged him..

Nemo: woaah you called me out here to give me a hug? That’s so sweet sweetheart;)

Me: very cute (pulling his nose) I’m so lucky to have you in my life you know that..even though you’re so full of crap

Nemo: let’s be honest…I’m the lucky one here dudette…how many people can say they have their own personal superwoman;)

Me: (smirking) oh you’re throwing me up! It’s good keep it up;)

Nemo: so what did you want to tell me sweetheart?

Me: (nervous and jumpy) remember that we said we would tell each other first if ever…you know…

Nemo: yeahhh….

Me: Nemo…I think…I think…I’m in love…

Nemo: really?

Me: really…

Nemo: I also wanted to tell you..

Me: (cutting him off) no wait me first..I’ve been rehearsing this for a while and I just need to say it

Nemo:(softly) so say it then..

Me: (smiling and biting my lip) say it?

Nemo: (smiling back at her) say it

Me: ok…(Taking in a deep breath)..Nemo…Naeem..Nemo..

Nemo:(grinning) yeaaah that’s my name…

Me: wait stop it stop it..(Walking around him)

Nemo: what on earth are you doing?

Me: (still fidgeting) I..I..

Nemo: (holding my shoulders) stand still and tell me already!

Me: (in one fast sentence) I think I’m in love with Zoheb!

Nemo: you what???

Me: I think I’m in love with Zoheb!

Nemo:(shocked) you think or you know?

Me: I think I know..no…I know I know…(Covering my face with my hands)

O word! I said it! Saying out loud didn’t seem so bad after all…I could feel my face getting hot..

Nemo moved my hands from my face..

Nemo:(his eyes glistening) are you sure?

Me: (trying to read his eyes) why are you crying?

Nemo: (trying to hide his tears) I’m not

Me: you are! Nemo why are you crying??

Panic filled my entire body…something wasn’t right

Nemo: stop it woman…tears of joy..my Aarooo is all grown up…soon you’ll leave me and go away

Me: that’s ridiculous I would never leave you

Nemo: (swallowing hard) is he the one Aara?

Me: I don’t know…(Silence)…let’s sit down

And we sat together on the garden swing.

Me: is he the one…Nemo he does all these things and I can see that its genuine…I’ve just never felt this way before..

Nemo: how long?

Me: a few months…

Nemo: a few months???

Me: I wasn’t sure…I just kept it to myself but…I am sure now…everyone may have noticed it but I made a pact with you so I’m telling you first

Nemo: that you love Zoheb

Me: I do…

Nemo: have you told him yet?

Me: (shaking my head) no…(And I burst out crying) I’m just scared that if it doesn’t work I’m going to be broken…I do trust him, I trust him a lot…its my own fate that I don’t trust

Nemo: heyyy…don’t cry…(And he held my hand and put my hand against my chest) trust this…your heart will never let you down…if this is what you want, if this is what makes you happy then let go Aara…tell him that you love him. If things don’t work out for whatever reason (and then he put my hand against his chest) I will always be here to help you..Zoheb is a great guy, still has something stuck up his butt though (chuckling) but I’m sure he’ll never give you a reason to cry…you deserve the best and if I can help you in any way..I will..my life is yours- you know that

Me: (I put my hand on his cheek) when did you grow up?

Nemo: (kissing my hand) the day you gave me a new lease on life

Me: what did you want to tell me…

Nemo: it’s not important anymore…

Me: how can it not be important all of a sudden?

Nemo: let it be Aara..

Me: NO tell me!

Nemo: (sighing) I..I…

And he shook his head.

Nemo: not now

Me: why not now?

Nemo: enough with the questions…what’s the next step for you?

I looked at him questioningly…the night on durban beach kept playing over and over again in my head…Nemo never ever came straight out and said what was in his heart..ever!

Me: I don’t know..

Nemo: I’ll tell you…you’re going to breathe…you’re going to go inside and tell him that you love him!

——————————————————
As narrated by Nemo:

I was on the edge ever since she said that she was scared of losing “Siddharth” but once again, I dismissed that as one of Aara’s antics because of the prank she pulled shortly after that.

Me: so what did you want to tell me sweetheart?

Aara: (nervous and jumpy) remember that we said we would tell each other first if ever…you know…

My heart was literally hanging on a thread…did I possibly have even a shred of hope?

Me: yeahhh….

Aara: Nemo…I think…I think…I’m in love…

Me: really?

This was the moment of truth…a few seconds could change my life forever…

Me: I also wanted to tell you..

Aara: (cutting me off) no wait me first..I’ve been rehearsing this for a while and I just need to say it

I looked at her…her face was pink..she had this glow about herself. Looking at her now, I wasn’t looking at my best friend Aara…I was looking at a beautiful young woman Aara…how did I ever turn a blind eye to her all these years?? She was right next to me all along…and I never noticed.

Me:(softly) so say it then..

Aara: (smiling and biting her lip) say it?

Me: (smiling back at her) say it

Aara: ok…(Taking in a deep breath)..Nemo…Naeem..Nemo..

Me:(grinning) yeaaah that’s my name…

Aara: wait stop it stop it..(Walking around me)

Me: what on earth are you doing?

Aara: (still fidgeting) I..I..

Me: (holding her shoulders) stand still and tell me already!

Aara: (in one fast sentence) I think I’m in love with Zoheb!

Me: (it didn’t hit me yet) you what???

Aara: I think I’m in love with Zoheb!

Me:(shocked) you think or you know?

Aara: I think I know..no…I know I know…(Covering her face with her hands)

I looked at her in total disbelief…tears fell involuntarily from my eyes…I could feel my heart breaking inside..

Suddenly everything came flooding back into my head…Aara fighting for me, Aara being pushed around by me, Aara sobbing because of me, Aara being ridiculed because of me, Aara coming back for me, Aara putting up with me, Aara straining her relationship with her own family because of me, Aara putting her life on hold because of me, Aara cleaning up after me, Aara feeding me and tending to my wounds while her own body bared the scars of wounds I had inflicted on her….

With a heavy heart, I moved her hands from her face…there was no way that I was going to stand in the way of her happiness. Because she genuinely deserved to be happy, and she looked so happy! Some things cannot be changed and I cannot be selfish. There would always be a debt between us…even though Aara would be livid if I ever said that aloud but no one does for anyone what she did for me. I owed her my life. If sacrificing my happiness would make a small difference…I would do it in the blink of an eye..

Me: are you sure?

Aara: (trying to read my eyes) why are you crying?

Me: (trying to hide my tears) I’m not

Aara: you are! Nemo why are you crying??

Me:(trying to brush her off) stop it woman…tears of joy..my Aarooo is all grown up…soon you’ll leave me and go away

Aara: that’s ridiculous I would never leave you

Me: (swallowing hard) is he the one Aara?

Aara: I don’t know..(Silence)…let’s sit down

And we sat together on the garden swing.

Aara: is he the one…Nemo he does all these things and I can see that its genuine…I’ve just never felt this way before..

Me: (it hurt so much) how long?

Me: a few months…

Me:(what???) a few months???

Aara: I wasn’t sure…I just kept it to myself but…I am sure now…everyone may have noticed it but I made a pact with you so I’m telling you first

Me:(swallowing hard) that you love Zoheb

Aara: I do…

Me: have you told him yet?

Aara: (shaking her head) no…(And she burst out crying) I’m just scared that if it doesn’t work I’m going to be broken…I do trust him, I trust him a lot…its my own fate that I don’t trust

Me:(even though my heart was in pieces) heyyy…don’t cry…(And i held her hand and put it against her chest) trust this…your heart will never let you down…if this is what you want, if this is what makes you happy then let go Aara…tell him that you love him. If things don’t work out for whatever reason (and then i put her hand against my chest) I will always be here to help you..Zoheb is a great guy, still has something stuck up his butt though (chuckling) but I’m sure he’ll never give you a reason to cry…you deserve the best and if I can help you in any way..I will..my life is yours- you know that

Aara: (putting her hand on my cheek) when did you grow up?

Me: (kissing her hand) the day you gave me a new lease on life

Aara: what did you want to tell me…

Me: it’s not important anymore…

Aara: how can it not be important all of a sudden?

Me: let it be Aara..

Aara: NO tell me!

Me: (sighing..I love you! There I said it!) I..I…

And I shook my head.

Me: not now

Aara: why not now?

Me: enough with the questions…what’s the next step for you?

Aara: I don’t know..

Me:(making dua to have the courage to say this) I’ll tell you…you’re going to breathe…you’re going to go inside and tell him that you love him!

Aara: no…I can’t

Me: yes you can and you will (holding her hand) if you love someone you should tell them!

Aara paused and then looked at me for what seemed like ages…

She looked at me…and for once I couldn’t read what her eyes were saying

Aara: I always had this feeling…that..(Shaking her head) Nemo can a guy and girl be only just friends?

Me: (Aara please stop digging…telling you now would just complicate things I don’t want to ruin your chance at happiness) Yes I mean look at us!

Aara: (her head down) yeah..look at us(sighing) I think too much

Me: yes you do…go now

Aara: now??

Me: yes! Now…go…

And I stood in front of her with my hands in my pocket…her head down…and then we looked at each other and started laughing…I tucked in a strand of her hair that was sticking out from her scarf…silence…and out of nowhere both of us started crying…everything just poured out…I wiped her tears..she wiped mine before I pulled her into a hug. It felt as though this was the last time and I didn’t ever want to let go…