Part 271 – Oh Blimey!!!

As narrated by Nemo:

A few days had passed since Arshad and Zainab’s bust up. Now their parents were involved and it wasn’t a pretty sight. All of them tried to convince Zainab to reconsider her decision, but she wouldn’t budge. Arshad, on the other hand was a mess. He was missing his wife and son terribly but seemed to have given up and it didn’t help that Zainab wouldn’t even talk to him.

“Life is complicated you know”, I said to her as I put another block on our little building

“Barrrrrrrr, she replied in agreement

You see, as little as she is, she understands!

“You’re so unlike your mother Princess, you actually talk to me while your mother is always so rude”

“blobbabbaaababba”, she said in agreement yet again

I was so entirely endeared by this child that it shocked me. The others wouldn’t say it but they could see that I barely paid any attention to any of their children and I felt bad about it but I really couldn’t help it. But with Hana, it was so different. I had formed a bond with her in such a short space of time and every time that she smiled at me and every minute that I spent with her,it felt like my shredded soul was stitching itself back together again. It was beautiful, priceless. The innocence of a child was simply unmatched.

Even though Aara rudely reminded me almost every day that she wasn’t my daughter I didn’t care. She was my daughter. I wasn’t her biological father but she was already a piece of my heart and Aara’s words would never change that.

Cute little Hana with her chubby pink face and mop of bouncy black curls was my angel.

“Arshad and Zainab are having problems..and I don’t know what exactly to do to make things right”, I continued, ” she’s so stubborn and I just can’t come up with the right idea!”

Hana giggled in glee with drool dripping off her chin.

“Hana you left the tap open!”, I meowed, spurring off a fit of contagious laughter from her every time that I made the cat sound

She clapped her hands , and I knew what that meant…again! And so I happily obliged. Eventually, disturbing our laughter, we could hear the wicked witch raise her voice in the study right next to the lounge.

“What?…there’s nothing wrong with it”…I heard her say

“My enter button doesn’t work…it doesn’t work because it doesn’t work…it’s 30 years old”

“..I’m 74 if you must know”

Huh?? My ears perked up immediately

“It doesn’t work”

Who is she talking to?????

“You are mad!…. I am not mad!….. Bloody idiot!”

And she slammed the phone down.

Hana raised both her hands and placed them on her head and I burst out laughing!

“Aara…any problem?” , I called out

Within seconds, Aara was in the lounge, her face as red as a tomato and she looked like she had been laughing. But she doesn’t laugh anymore so….

“You would not believe what just happened”, she said, and for once her sentence didn’t begin with “shouldn’t you be going now”

“Tell tell”

She looked at Hana who still had her hands on her head, and who was looking between me and Aara as if she too was waiting for the scoop!

“A man called me now, an Indian man, with a proper Indian accent to be specific and he said that he was calling from Microsoft Systems Center and that they had picked up that my computer wasn’t functioning properly and that…”

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As narrated by Aara:

So it pretty much went down like this…

Me: ” My computer is fine and I didn’t report any fault so I really don’t know what you’re talking about”

Indian man with heavy Indian accent: “No mam, we pick it up that certain programs and functions on your computer is not performing at its optimum so we are here to help you”

Me: (laughing) “this is ridiculous”

Indian Man: ‘Mam this is not a joke and if you think it’s funny or you don’t need our help you may hang up this is my job and I have to call you, but if you don’t need my help and if you are happy with your computer having viruses and eventually crashing then that is up to you”

Naturally, after hearing something like that, a little bit of common sense escaped me and I began to worry. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt for the next ten seconds.

Me: “alright, what do I need to do”

Indian Man: “I need you press Control, the Windows key and R at the same time”

I complied and then panicked when the little “run” box appeared. So while Mr. “I don’t know what his name was”, gave me some code to type in, I quickly opened my browser and began to google Microsoft scams. Lo behold! It was a scam!

Indian Man: ” Can you please read out what I asked you type in?”

Blimey! I wasn’t even paying attention and so I called out random letters looking at my keyboard.Why was I still on the line? I had no idea yet!

Indian Man: (sounding a little irritated) “Mam can you hear me properly?”

Me: “errr not really”

I had to move the phone from my ear when he started speaking even louder, repeating those keywords that I noted down this time

Indian Man: “Press Enter”

Me: “It doesn’t work..I don’t think the enter button is working”

Indian Man: “oh..okay press cancel”

Me: “ok done”

Indian Man: “so the cancel button works but the enter doesn’t?”

Me: “it’s a very old computer”

Indian Man: “How old?”

Me: “30 years old”

Indian Man: (pauses) “okay let me transfer you to my supervisor”

After a split second, his “supervisor” comes on the line, who is also an i\Indian guy with a proper Indian accent

After he greets me he says…

Indian man2: “Okay open Google Chrome for me please”

Me: “I don’t have Google Chrome..”

Indian Man2: “I hear you have a very old computer..how old are you?”

Me: “Well that’s rude! But there’s nothing to hide..I’m 74″

Indian Man2:” 74! (note the accent) You sound like you’re 104!”

What the…

Me: “104! chal..compliment”

Indian Man2: (clearly stunned)” okay open your internet explorer”

Me: “okay…”

Indian Man2: “type in…”

And he gives me a website address which I obviously don’t type in

Indian Man2: “now what do you see?”

Me: “Arre! You have won 50 free chicken!”

Indian Man2: (sounding like he had choked on something) “what??? read for me what is on your address bar”

Me: ” You have won 50 free chicken!”

Indian Man2: huh?????

Me: “You must come to my house ok bachoo I will cook fresh chicken curry and give you! Bring your family too because I don’t have so much of place in my freezer for 50 chicken okay”

Indian Man2: (sighs ) I think you are a mad person!

Me: I think YOU are a mad person!

Indian Man2: No no no I am not mad…you are a mad person!

Me: You have nothing else to do but fool people bloody scam artist!

Indian Man2: You bloody black person!

Me: I’m not black!

Indian Man2: You are a mad, black person!

Me: You are a fat, mad, black Indian!

Indian Man2: why are you picking on Indian people?

Me: why are you picking on black people?

Indian Man2: you are a mad old lady!

Me: yes a 74 year old mad old lady idiot!

And I hung up.

Hana and Nemo were laughing non stop and I didn’t realise that I had also been laughing while narrating all of this to them! And so I stopped.

And they stopped. And stared blankly at me. Hana looked at Nemo and then at me…

And I laughed again, and she laughed.

And when I stopped, she stopped.

I was so amused and so hurt at the same time. My baby looked adorable when she smiled and laughed… I should do it more often.

“Laugh witch, you can see it’s contagious” , Nemo chuckled

“Shouldn’t you be going? ”

“Errr nope”

Nemo was so calm that it made me so grrrrrr!

And so we headed off into the dining room where savories and tea beckoned, courtesy of my mummy.

My unwelcome guest naturally followed. I didn’t mind much today though, all I could think of was that phone call and it made me laugh randomly at the table!

And again… When I giggled, Hana giggled. It was so cute!

Hana insisted on sitting on Nemo’s lap and he fed her his tea with a teaspoon and gave her crumbly bits of cheese and corn samoosa while she held his cheeks with her tiny hands. I objected. Silently ofcourse. Because in my mother’s eyes he could do no wrong. And yes, I knew that I was unnecessarily rude at times but it was for the best. He was getting too close to Hana and the bottom line was, he was not her father.

“Aren’t you supposed to be samoosa running?”, I asked sarcastically

“I don’t even like samoosas”, he replied candidly, WHILE biting into yet another samoosa

I narrowed my eyes at him in irritation and decided to ignore.

Instead I engaged myself with my phone while my mother updated Nemo on what was happening in an Indian serial that both of them followed and I caught bits of it here and there…

“Yeah you know in India it works like that”

“No you’re joking Maa , she actually came back!”

I rolled my eyes and carried on with my phone…and much to my elation, even that made Hana laugh in glee..

“She came back and she has to stay for 6 months otherwise it’s just not valid”

Oh gosh these two are such addicts!

“THAT’S IT!” , Nemo said loudly and suddenly startling me out of my wits

I dropped my samoosa on my lap in shock!

“I know what to do!”

“What to do with what Nemo??”

“I know how to help Arshad and Zainab!”, he grinned…and Hana grinned with him too as if she knew what he was talking about

“Do I even want to know?”

“Ofcourse..you’re in it too”, he chuckled

I held my head and closed my eyes…

Oh Blimey!

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Author’s Note:

Back to back posts…aren’t you lucky:-p

THAT was an ACTUAL phone call btw…lol…I was killed and well, I had to share. It happened to me yesterday in the middle of a beyond crazy day…

And well, the sad posts were depressing me so I threw in a happy one. A little bit like the ollldddd ones, a tad bit…

Right.

Bye now

:-p