As narrated By Maaherah:
“One for the road!”, I squealed in delight as I downed another tequila
“It’s a good thing I’m driving”, Zubair grinned, trying to steady himself
“Yessss hubby dearest”, I laughed
I loved marriage! It was a stamped-by-the-parents license to do WHATEVER I wanted! Zubair and I began as an arrangement of sorts. Both our parents wanted us to settle down since our parents were friends. We weren’t in love with each other but I knew him and he knew me. Well, sort of.
We didn’t move in the same circle but his group and mine were often seen at the same spots. We knew each others lifetsyles so when this whole marriage thing came up, it suited us just fine. We got married in grand style, smiling our flashiest smiles at the many cameras eager to get a glimpse of the newlyweds.
Unlike many other marriages, lol…ours was a blast! We partied hard almost every night , sometimes together, sometimes with our own clicks..but when it was time to go home, we left together. And I became accustomed to him, and him to me. We lived in our own little bubble, totally oblivious to anything other than what we wanted.
Then my brother died. We were never close but it hurt me, it hurt me so much that I couldn’t put it into words. And I found myself questioning myself over and over again…what if I had tried? Because I knew that I really, truly hadn’t . We couldn’t make it for his funeral and my parents had been too stunned to travel even a few days after that, so Zubair and I did. And that’s when I saw her…
Tiny, adorable Hana. She looked so much like Zoheb…she was barely a few months old, already in Naeem’s arms as he walked with her in the garden of the house that Aara and Zoheb shared together. My brother wasn’t even gone a few weeks and they were already together. I never saw Aara on that trip, but I vowed then that I’d see her very soon.
I would raise my brothers child, how, I didn’t know, but I would try to compensate all those years via Hana. It was the least that I could do. And so apart from what I had already told my parents about Aara when Zoheb wanted to marry her, I added to it and keyed my father up so much against her that I was almost certain of my victory.
But Zoheb had safeguarded her then too. In a simple way that secured the custody of Hana, and keep her away from us. We had truly lost him well before he had passed away…
I didn’t see past Aara’s tears, nor did I pay attention to what everyone was saying. I left in despair and anger…
But guidance comes and how too…
When we came back to New Zealand, alot had changed. Zubair, a once loud and sometimes obnoxious person, was now quieter, calmer…almost as though he was reflecting on something in his silence. And gradually, the change began from his side.
It frustrated me to no end because I had no release, no time out, I partied to forget and enjoy and he just wasn’t into it anymore. The odd times when I would drag him along with me, he would just sit all alone until the party was over. Player of the year…turned goofball of the year…
I had reached the height of my uncertainty, irritation, frustration and I drank and didn’t stop. I drank until I could barely stand up straight, I allowed strange men to dance with me, hold me and touch me as the music pounded on…I had it..this was just what I needed…this was all that I wanted. To be lost in the moment, without a care in the world, without a worry, without any hesitation. Just pure old fashioned freedom.
Or so I thought…
I hadn’t bothered telling Zubair where I had gone and stubbornly refused a lift from my friends. Instead, I drove and that feeling of exhilaration took over again as I sped through the empty freeway, foot down on the acceleratr, wind in my hair, heavy metal reverberating through my car, I was so damn stoned but still driving at breakneck speed!
And the next thing that I remembered was the sound of glass shattering all around me after an impact so great that I felt as though the life had been sucked out of me while I spun around in mid air…
And then everything just went black.
When I logged on, and I saw that I had last posted on 14 Aug I was so stunned! I hadn’t realised that so much of time had passed by so quickly…
I hope to be back on track after Eid, it’s just my life has been really very crazy over the past few weeks and the numerous times that I have sat at my laptop to type a post…I’ve fallen asleep (drool and all..lol) on my keyboard *hide*
Oh and maybe it’s also all you people who don’t want LLD to end…maybe it’s all your duas preventing me from writing 😉 #wishfulthinking #badidea #ishouldshutup
Today is Monday, I’m going to try and give you guys another one before Eid InshaAllah ..I feel so so bad when I read your comments please make me maaf…
Let’s blame Telkom also for bad network and no wifi for days* insert angry face with unbrushed hair*
Sorry for the short post, it’s just to say I am alive, I do miss you guys and ofcourse, I love you all:) *winks at Nazzy*
Until next time (which will hopefully be soon)