As narrated by Laeeka:
We were in splits before Riza and Zainab even started their act! Riza was Dadi and Zainab was Uncle Yusuf!!
Gosh they looked the part to the t!! Riza with a grey wig and an old ladys outfit…which was a yellow cotton panjabi, a green jersey, burgundy slippers and a walking stick! Zainab was dressed exactly like Uncle Yusuf who by the way thought he was still in his 20’s and oh so hot! Zai had on fitted black jeans, a horrible orange floral shirt (uncle Yusuf style), all stars, a thick gold chain and she also wore a wig!! Short hair gelled up and as she walked onto the platform she pulled her pants up the way Uncle Yusuf does every few seconds! I was torn, finished, almost choking!
Now we know that Dadi and Uncle Yusuf have a love hate relationship. He adores Dadi and knows her since he was a little boy as Dadi and his Nani were neighbours. And as much as he irritates Dadi, Dadi loves him more than her own children.
Riza: (sitting on a chair holding his walking stick)Yusuf saala where you coming from? How long I’m waiting for you!
He made his voice so squeeky that I almost fell of my chair because I was laughing so hard!
Zainab: (bouncing in) hey maa I just vyed to the shop to get some bread what you wanted? (Sitting down)
Riza: you went to buy the bread or make the bread?
Zainab: ey maaaa…tell me now what you wanted?
Riza: how long I’m waiting man..see here now I got all my friends and cousins on my phone but I want to see their pictures show me how quickly before they change it
Zainab: why you made Rukaya buy you a BB maa you too old for all this you dono how to use it
Riza: (hitting Zainab with his walking stick) you are old your whole family is old and all your grandchildren will be born old!
Zai: oh maa man relax..too much shouting in your age is no good-you shout too much and… (Zai whistled as she pointed her finger upwards)
Riza: haraami! You want me to die or what?
Riza: what what
Zai: you said do I want you to die or what…so I don’t want you to die..I want you to what
Zai: jee maa
Riza: you are very stupid…very very stupid fella you are I don’t know which bin you came out from kassum
Zai: maa…you saying my ammi is a bin now?
Riza: eh magaj cow show me man!
Zai: eh this old buriyas want to act clever..there see who’s this one now…Saira Banu…who’s that?
Riza: lemme see lemme see…ohhhh this is that dark one from Houghton I dono why she don’t buy something for her face so rich staying in Houghton and all but face is as black as night!
Zai: not like you so fur (fair) too maa
Riza: I’m beige not black! Show me more now quickly
Zai: what beige( laughing) this one is that irritating neice of yours Katija
Riza: what’s all this designs by her name? And why she put Katy there ?
Zai: why you don’t ask her?
Riza: (pulling Zainab’s hair)
Zai: maa don’t touch my hair! You can’t see I got jelly there!
Riza: your hair is so hard and pointy you look like a rake why you do stupid things Yusuf
Zai: (ignoring what Riza said) right next one…you got Riza and all his friends too as contacts? What you got them for they not your friends how
Riza: how they my bachoos man..show me their pictures, Gori was telling me they in Cape Town
Zai: *sighing* thewa there’s Riza
Riza: dori dori….my bachoo he’s so cute
Zai: see how black he’s gone! His mother didn’t buy sunblock and give they going holiday and all and what cute you forgot how you should(used to)scold him when he was small
Riza: show me that girl of his
Zai: there…such a pretty girl dono what she saw in that Riza you saw his hair like one bush
Riza: ey keep quiet man…yeahhhh Layka nice girl that
Zai: not Layka maa La ee ka
Riza: same thing! Show more you so slow man Yusuf
Zai: there’s this one thinks he’s acting in a movie…Neeeeemo see how he’s posing there by the mall..what he wants to show only he can go mall and all
Riza: I’ll hit you you say one bad thing about that child!
Zai: *trying to roll her eyes*(because that’s what Uncle Yusuf does)Aaaaaarararara
Riza: you going mad or what?
Zai: I’m just thinking what funny names people have AA-RA why didn’t her parents just call her Rara then? Same like that other one who got that christian name Marrriah and then what about the fella who came here for supper! What an irritating one that was!
Riza: becharo he’s so handsome but
Zai: walk like he got something stuck in his bum man! And that other gulaab jamun that doctor fella…I can’t stand him!
Riza: why you got problem with whole whole world Yusuf? What they did you?
Zai: and Maa that last one that scrawny one like they don’t feed her man!
Riza: aah Zainab such a haari poyri that one is..but you Yusuf you none the better how you got caught like that on the phone?
Zai: I didn’t get caught Maa by battery died otherwise today I should be rich rich because no one huh I’m telling you no one can roar like simba the way I did uh uh !
Riza: hooooh what like simba you didn’t even sound like simbas dog man!
Zai: I must show you maa I must show you how I can roar
Riza: wait let me take my hearing aid out first
ℓ☺ℓ and Riza and Zainab stood up and took a bow! We whistled and clapped and cheered for them because really their act was hilarious!!
After about ten minutes, it was Nemo and Zoheb’s turn…
And when they entered…I thought I would wet myself laughing!!!!
O MY FRIKKING WORD!!!!!!!
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